I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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