I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize