been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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