im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You may now shotgun with the bride
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
