Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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