My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
