my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
