good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
