do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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