He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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