if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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