Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
