We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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