you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
