11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
