Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
