my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
