I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
