quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
