if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The Olympian is in my bed
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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