I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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