I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
