He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
