His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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