you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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