He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
