I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
