I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
