HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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