Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
