No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
