K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
