Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
