is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
