dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
