Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
