i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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