did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
