Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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