mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
