Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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