I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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