It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
