The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i out mim tonsoeep
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