I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
