About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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