but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
