you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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