WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
