all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
