if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
